The title of my post has issues with regards to physics, gravity and force. I'm least bothered about them. What has been bothering me for the past few days is 'why life sucks'. Whenever my mind starts asking this question 'why was I born?', for once I should be aware that something terribly is gonna be wrong.
finished with studies. graduating in 3 months' time. 10 week work attachment from tommorrow. Looks as though I am pretty much settled down in life. But, am I happy with a life that has laid down everything for me?- a safe career and relatively well-paid job. Can't I take the route less travelled by? As some of friends know, I was forced to choose a course I hated. I was forced to enter into a profession that I hated most. Now, I hate it when I have to put a smile and act as though everything is perfect. The smile, whenever I look at the mirror, kills my conscience and my conscience shouts out loud at me ," you've betrayed yourself."
A heart-throbbing pain travels all through my veins and cells.
I don't want a career or a job where I need to follow what others do and say. I want to be my own boss. I want to start something on my own. More than a follower, I want to lead others into the path less travelled. It is a risk. In fact, I'm ready to take the calculated risk. All I want are support, encouragement, arms that would lovingly embrace me and a shoulder to cry when I need. Am I expecting too much?
I've been thinking of all these for a while and usually ends up with confusion and disappointment. Where should i go? Where should I start? Is this the most ethical thing to do- quit my job even before i start? Am I ready to pay for it? Am I ready to face everyone after that? Will I have the strength to answer their questions?
Confused. Disturbed. Dismayed.