Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Emotions on a Roller Coaster

I live for the weekends and 'die' on the rest of the days. hate work to the core. It's really exhausting. Brain cells are dead and are being sent to the mortuary. Every sunday night, I get into a sort of depression mode thinking of the next day's work. Emotions are on a roller coaster ride. Some parts of the day, I feel fine for no reason. The next minute, I become really really upset for no reason. Friends keep saying that I should learn to pat my heart and say 'aal izz well'

But it is bloody damn difficult to be calm and be composed. It is so tough to bring the heart to a relaxed mood. Whenever I want to whisper 'aal izz well', my mind and heart wander off to hell. All I could feel is pain. If someone were to ask me the reason for my devastation, I have no answer to that question. Loss of appetite, lack of social life, gloomy days, sleepless nights...oh well speaking about sleepless nights. I work from 630 am to 6pm everyday. I return home to rest from 7pm to 11pm. Get up again to finish any pending work till 5am after which I get ready for my work again.

My journey seems to be travelling in only one path- home to workplace. Oh what the...!! *sighs* It has been days since I logged on to facebook. It has been days since I last spoke to my friends or smsed them. It has been ages I met up with them. Going through a period of 'I-don't-want-to-see- the-world.' I think I've said this earlier somewhere in my blog- A costly mistake made in my life that had brought me to this state today. I should have fought then even if that had broken many hearts. I should have done it for my well-being, for my sake, for my life! I should have been firm in my decision. I should have not gotten into a course that I didn't want to do in my life.

so many 'should's.... Now fate is shooting me!:(


Gyanban said...

Hmm shit happens you know - to everyone...so you are certainly not a minority there.But hey, hang in there, time ticks quickly.

but realize one thing - no experience /knowledge will ever go waste.someday it will come in handy, no matter how diverse it maybe from your final path.

Karthik said...

ah sis, remember i was in the same state of mind few weeks back and it was you who fed me some sense. guess life screws everyone of us in one way or the other. :(

but trust me, its only a matter of time before every thing's fell in place and seem okay. cheer up!!

S.R.Ayyangar said...

Yes, life is a roller coaster ride and one should learn to enjoy because life is to live.....

Mayz said...

ok i thot my worklife sucked...but after readin ur post i think m a happy man

this is not work...this is bonded labor...wat kinda company do u work for??

bangles said...

//no experience /knowledge will ever go waste//

well, very true!:)

@karthikkkkkk, miss u bro! really really miss u bro! yes life has been a big time screw up for many of us. Just trying to fix it by pouring out emotions and venting my anger out!:))

@mayz, haha:) right now i'm doing my internship in an educational institution. It's just that I hate the job cos I can't really handle the stuff going on there. Alot of unwanted programmes are taking place just for the sake of it. Programmes are ineffective.no one want is gonna benefit. Rules are so fixed, no one wants to change it. I mean..tsk tsk... trainees or small fries like me have no say even if we want to bring about a change:(

asha said...

These are passing cloud moments. Allow this to pass.
Why don't you try yoga or if you don't find time do some deep breathing exercises. Cheer up!

bangles said...

@asha, thank u!! yesssss i think i shld do yoga or meditation to control all these negative feelings and anger!:) will try doing it soon!:)tc have a gr8 day

Vinodhini said...

hey gayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! love your posts! all of them...hey for this particular one...lets just take part in all lucky draw contests and stuff like that..and see if something works out!